


I can feel you.

by Tangledinprose



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Clarke is chosen, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Fix It Fic, Fluff, Heda, I wouldn't do that to you guys, Post 3x07, Smut, Smut and Love, Soulmates, keeps with canon, kind of, lexa deserved better, not too much angst though, slight angst, too much writiing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:41:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6197242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tangledinprose/pseuds/Tangledinprose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’s shaky and weary and happy. And in pain from how much she feels. From how much she can feel. She closes her eyes again, focuses on the buzz against her ear. </p><p>‘Klark. Klark. Klark.’ </p><p>She chokes, fear and want and impossible pressed against her lips. Tears escapes her eyes and she gasps. </p><p>“Lexa?” </p><p>Or</p><p>The one is which Lexa is dead, but they still find their way together. </p><p>Or</p><p>The fic in which I tried to fix it but I don't know if I fixed shit all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can feel you.

**Author's Note:**

> Started off as a healthy piece of writing. Turned into porn. Reeled it back in. 
> 
> This one ran away from me. Literally. I could not stop. My little shipper heart broke and mended itself multiple times whilst writing this. Also, I did not follow many parts of the story, mainly the initiating to Heda. Because do we really need more death?

Every piece of her hurts. Her hands are stained with black, her body shivers with shock and loss and _sadness. So much_ sadness.

She can still feel the way Lexa had kissed her lips. Can trace the pathway of her fingertips down her skin, memorise the weight of her lithe body against her own. Her heart aches, her chest almost unable to contain the anger, and fury and pain that radiates all the way down to her wrists. She can feel her grief building at the base of her throat; pushing, pulsing, clawing. She knows if she closes her eyes salt will spill from her lids. Endlessly, ruthlessly. She doesn’t know if she will ever stop. 

Titus carries her body in his arms, cradles her to him and she wants to scream. Because Lexa is strong and brave and so much fucking more than a doll within the arms of her killer. But she feels numb, doesn’t know how she moves one foot after the other. 

People are yelling. There is outrage and it pulsates against her back. She feels their pain. Feels it explicitly when Titus lays Lexa splayed on the stone table. An offering. 

She wonders if this beautiful, strong girl had ever had the chance to be anything more than just that. An offering to her people. Her blood as dark as night. Her eyes as clear as day. A fucking sacrifice.  

 _“SHOF OP”_ (BE QUIET), the speaking ceases as Titus’s voices cuts through the tension. He still has her blood on his forehead, her death on his hands as he regards the room. This is not the first commander to die she knows. The room is ready to accept a new leader. 

She feels broken still. Her chest heaves and she wants to run her hands over Lexa’s body, will her back to life and take her away like she should have done. Cradle her close and whisper love against her ear and forgive her. _Forgive_ her for the choices she made, for the steel she had to become for these people who do not take a moment to mourn her demise. 

“Lexa is no longer with us, but the spirit of the commander is still lives on. We must continue our tradition, honouring our leaders before as the Sacred spirit choses the new Heda amongst our warriors with blood as dark as night. Step forward!”. There is a resounding roar from the room, as a group surrounds the table, mere children with armour moulded to their fronts and knives tucked between their belts. 

She catches Aiden in the circle, sees his erect posture and already hard face. So so young. As young as Lexa would have been, standing…ready to accept her fate. Ready to sacrifice. To be used, to lead. Ready to die. She feels nauseous, pitt of her stomach rolling as the roar gets louder, unmanageable against the broken spaces of her chest. 

Titus holds out a hand and the room is silent, eerily so. Jolting. Uncomfortable. 

And then there is waiting. She doesn’t understand the ritual. Doesn’t know what she watches for. But something is wrong. She feels it in their restlessness. The way the room hisses. The way Titus clenches his fists. 

She doesn’t care. She only has anger and grief tucked close to her skin, only has eyes for the body that lies so far from her reach. Lexa. So warm, so soft. So beautiful against her hands. So ferocious in her strength. Her hair is still unbraided; splayed in ringlets that she herself had made with her fingers as she kissed Lexa’s lips. 

She stumbles forward, her heart leading her feet, her fingers shaking. She needs to tuck Lexa’s hair behind her ears. Needs to wipe the black stain of her blood against the corner of her lip. Her face was free of war, free of hurt. Free of her mask. She had smiled with those lips; so carefree and open that Clarke _aches_ with rippling sadness. With unforgivable loss. 

She stands at her head and no one has moved to stop her ascent. They can either feel the ferociousness radiating off her body or do not care enough to halt her move. Either way she is glad. She can feel the feral anger beneath her skin and in the clench of her jaw. Knows without a doubt that she would have killed the person who would have tired to hold her back. 

These people. They have no claim to Lexa. No claim to her body or her heart. They followed because of a chip. Software embedded into her cranial nerves. They didn’t care about her person; about the way she would tilt her head when something amused her. Or the small lift of her lips when she was happy, like she truly couldn’t let herself smile. But she was close. But she wanted to. 

She leans forward, rests her forehead against the now cooling skin; blonde hair cascading across her shoulders and protecting them for a moment. She doesn’t notice a gasp. Doesn’t notice the murmurs of confusion, of incredulity, of outrage until she is forced out of her revere. Until Titus is standing in front of her, his eyes dark with tears, his mouth downturned and a glow in the palm of his hand with wires and vines that crave to touch her skin. 

She looks at him and he forces her wrist, drops the object still caked in Lexa’s blood into her open hand. Her eyes don’t leave his as he watches, as the rest of the Grounders watch as blue glows brighter than before and tendrils slither to encase the cream skin of her wrist. She hisses as they hold, cutting slightly into her skin and laying its body flat against the flesh of her palm. 

There is noise. There is screaming. There is protest that blends into the buzz against her ears. All she is can see is the blue radiating, warming to her skin, pulsating like a beat. She can taste bitterness and disbelief coating her tongue and she knows what this means. 

She has been chosen. Klark Kom Skaikru. 

Heda. 

***

 

She accepts for her people. Accepts for peace. For the alliance to be resurrected. 

Accepts for the girl who gave up herself to become this role. 

Accepts for Blood not to have Blood. 

Accepts because she knows the only way that she or Lexa would have ever had nothing left to owe would be through death. 

Titus holds her wrist. She hold his gaze. 

“You killed her for nothing.” She says it with malice. With anger and hatred and grief still so raw. And he swallows against her words, nodding; eyes clouding as he picks up his scalpel. 

She rests her body forward, neck on display, feels him slice through her skin. She barely winces at the pain, nerve endings numb, sacrifice already heavy in her blood. She feels the rush, the click of metallic, the sudden heat in her veins. Feels the tendrils tickle down her spine, attaching to the root of her ganglia and embedding itself so deep it _hurts_. She tastes blood and pain and hopelessness and wonders if Lexa felt this every day. 

Her limbs are weak, head heavy with something unexplained. She feels her wound being stitched back up, her trickle of blood dark red and so, so unspectacular. 

 And then she stands, can feel the voices clouds over, feel numbness in her lips. The sick rises to the base of her throat and she is walking. Sprinting. Leaving whatever sham of a ritual behind and spilling herself into Lexa’s bedroom, head bowed over the wash sink as her pain spills from her lips and she feels heat everywhere. She is uncontrolled. Feral, hurt, betrayed. 

She takes off her shirt, rips it off the skin of her back and tries to control the depth of her breathing. In. Out. In Out. 

Steady. 

Her eyes close, senses invade with _her_ smell. Everywhere in this room. Lavender and oak, musky and strong often at Lexa’s neck. She feel tears build beneath her lids and opens her eyes to stop the flow. But she is caught sudden and off guard by the bruise against her hipbone. 

New. Fresh. Matching the teeth of the now dead commander. She had worried the skin; closed her eyes and kissed inch by inch. Marked her way onto the cream flesh. So it would ache. So Lexa would be remembered. 

So she would be fucking _remembered._

And just like that she is shattered. Gasps and sobs retched from her throat, loud and uneven and uncensored. Her body shakes with it, her knees weak. Because she is dead. 

Lexa. Lexa. Lexa

Lexa is _dead._  

Her tears are heavy, her loss so full that she is breathless with it. She had only felt grief like this once with the death of her father. So pure and large that it consumed her person. 

She lies back on the brown furs, buries her head into it and splays her body where Lexa’s had been mere hours ago. So happy. So pliant. Radiant and soft and fucking _alive._ She clutches her side, traces the mark and cries and cries and cries. 

There is whispers in her ear, echoes in the back of her mind that she can barely recognise. 

‘ _shhhhh’_

Softly, melodically. She doesn’t know if she is dreaming, hallucinating. 

‘ _Do not be afraid Klark’_  

Echoes in the hollows of her ear. She only cries harder. 

***

 

She is dressed in armour two days later, black paint drips from her eyes and she looks every bit as gruesome as she feels. The Coalition take her in, protest her place and she growls against them, Titus standing in front of her, shaking with anger and fight and need to protect. She wants to hate him, wants her anger to flow from her fingers and throw a knife into his chest. 

But something against her skull whispers ‘ _forgive him, forgive him’,_ and so she remains neutral. Seeking guidance when needed. 

“Heda”, he speaks to her and she hisses, stands and look at him, regards the room. 

“ _Wan_ Heda,” she says, strong and vibrant. She will not take Lexa’s place. Will not make her a shadow. She is now of both sky and ground. 

“You can follow me if you will. Betray me if you want. But I have been chosen to be your leader. To fight for your needs. For the needs of all the people on the ground. And I will do exactly that.” She sits back down, waits for the leaders of all twelve clans to follow her lead before she continues. “I am in acceptance of Lexa’s stance. Peace will be had. Blood must NOT have blood.” 

There are murmurs, both around the room and the echoes in her ear. She clears, breathes deep and opens her mouth. “This is final. Any one of your clans may chose to dispute this. If so, you will no longer be associated with the Coalition.” She feels heaviness in the back of her skull and she stands, walking forward toward the door, back faced to the room. She hold out her hand, refusing to be followed and stops inches before leaving. 

“Follow me now. Or do not follow me at all. The choice is yours. I was chosen by your Spirit. I have followed your rituals. I have proven myself beyond what you need. Fight for peace. Or live for war. Your death is not on my hands.” 

She walks out of the heavy oak, palms itchy and head heavy. She needs to close her eyes, to sleep or eat or cry, she doesn’t know. 

The furs tickle the back of her neck, lavender heavy on her nose and she feels inexplicable sadness. She cannot leave this room, cannot leave this bed, body wanting for this smell, this comfort. This illusion. The memories of fleeting happiness against her cheek. She closes her eyes against the onslaught, grief heavy in her chest. 

And suddenly she is warm, radiating, fulling up to the brim with an all consuming light that her eyes crinkle with it, her muscles clench. This feels like bottled up happiness, indescribable longing. This feels like….

This feels like love. Pure. Full. Oh god so full. 

She opens her eyes with a gasp and the feeling is still there, chasing away her dark spaces and pressing at the inside of her chest, insistent. Real.  

She’s shaky and weary and happy. And in pain from how much she feels. From how much she _can_ feel. She closes her eyes again, focuses on the buzz against her ear. 

‘ _Klark. Klark. Klark.’_

She chokes, fear and want and impossible pressed against her lips. Tears escapes her eyes and she gasps. 

“Lexa?” 

***

 

“Tell me what this means Titus!” she asks, gesturing to the scar behind her neck and he bows his head, forming his thoughts. 

“Within the sacred symbol, the spirits of Commanders before you reside. All chosen with the glow of the light. It is embedded in you Klark. It learns your very essence, everything there is to know. Takes your memories and your thoughts. Records you. Your brainwaves. And when you die, everything that you are will be given to the next person the Spirit chooses.” 

She sits still, shocked. “What does that mean?! That I become the person before me?” 

He shakes his head. “No. You were chosen for a reason. You were chosen for you. The spirit guides you. The most recent Heda will be the strongest, the memories are most fresh, most prevalent.” 

She shivers now, nervous energy in the pit of her stomach, “What are you saying.” 

He looks away, shaky, soft in his words. “Its Lexa. Lexa will be your guide.” 

***

 

She closes her eyes, feels lavender coat her tongue, wills herself to seek the voice, the person, the thoughts. It is sluggish, new and uncomfortable. But the buzz is in her ear, and she is being filled again, chest light and complex. A feeling so full she wants to smile. 

 _‘Klark.’_  

It is barely a sound, but still tears are filling her eyes and she gasps and sobs through her name. “Lexa” 

She feels more than hear the whispers echo and she focuses. Focuses on the forming of words. 

‘ _I can feel you Klark. You are sad.’_

She feels the light brim, brighter, stronger than ever and she does actually smile at the feeling, strong against her chest. “You died Lexa.” It echoes and there is a hum, an energy that is sad and longing. So much longing that she gasps. 

_‘I know. But my spirit lives on. Do not be afraid. I am here.’_

She sighs and buries her face in thick furs, happiness and sadness all draped in one. 

Because she is here. She is here and speaking and she can feel her against her ribcage, can feel her in the tickle in her ears. Can feel her real in her chest. 

But she is gone. She is gone she is gone. 

And it hurts so much more than she expected. 

*** 

 

‘You have way too many candles’ 

_‘I like to see things Klark. Besides. Candles have a certain romance to them’_

She snorts, armour strapped onto her front, knives being tucked into the divot of her boot. ‘Look at you, ever the romantic. Who knew?’

There is a slight chuckle and she can almost _feel_ the half smile that Lexa would give her. _‘Well you knew quite well. As i recall.’_

She chokes on nothing, heat setting in her cheeks as her hands settle on her hips, rebuttal ready. “WanHeda. The Coalition is ready.” Titus interrupts, eyes glanced over her flush and he stops, confusion on his features. “Were you speaking to someone?” 

_‘Tell him no.’_

“No.” 

She doesn’t hesitate but she wonders. Wonders about the lie. About why it is needed. 

He nods but does not stop looking at her. “Skaikru have arrived.”

She groans internally and feels pressure against her ribs, a tickle at the back of her neck. _‘Be brave Klark’_

She straightens herself and nods. “I am ready.” 

***

 

“You didn’t think to consult us? Any of us before you chose to sign your life away?!?”. Bellamy is furious, anger and fear clear on his features as he takes in her war painted face, body encased in black. Her mother stands behind him but she is less so. She watches you, takes you in. She has long learnt that you make your own choices. 

“There was no time. The ritual had to be completed on the same moon. I had a choice and I made the one that I thought was right for you. For everyone.” She speaks calmly but she feels Lexa angry against her chest, furious at the attack and a little filled with something else that she cannot explain. 

“You became the leader of the clans who are trying to eradicate our people Clarke! You became a grounder. This will bring about war!” 

She hisses, feels some of Lexa’s anger escape her. “I am fighting for peace for our people Bellamy! One that you, Pike and the rest of your crew out for blood had destroyed. Maybe if you hadn’t, the thirteen clan would still be intact and Lexa would still be alive!!” She sucks in a breath. That was low and petty but she feels tears sting her eyes none the less and Lexa hushing in her ear. She is Commander now. Leader of a whole race of people. 

“I accepted because I was chosen. The Grounders are my people as much as all of you in Arkadia. We all bleed. We all die. We all want to live and grow. I want to make that possible for everybody. For us.” She looks at Bellamy in the eye, begs him to understand. “Its what she wanted. And I will continue her legacy.” 

I feel warmth bloom at the bottom of my ribcage and her hands travel the heat. Its Lexa. She is happy. Or proud. Something akin to admiration that she can taste upon her lips. 

“Where have they kept her to rest?”, Indra speaks and she look up, unsure. Titus nods. 

“I will take you now before the meet to pay your respects.” 

She swallows, nervous at the pit of her stomach. 

‘ _Why are you scared Klark?’_

She closes her eyes, ‘I don’t like to think of you as dead’. 

There is silence for a moment. _‘Then I am not. With you I am not. You keep my spirit alive. You keep me alive.’_

 _‘_ ’You keep me alive too’. 

***

Her tomb consist of a tree marked by a solid slab of stone carved with her name. Alexandria Woods. That is all. Plain. Simple. 

The plant is small, nothing more than a sapling. But it has the potential to grow tall and strong; leaves a shade of green with red edging. She shivers at the sight of it all, sadness that is most definitely hers building up in her throat. Indra runs her fingers along the stone and hums, turning to Titus. “Where is the rest?” 

“The rest?” she asks. 

“Shah”, Indra nods. “When a Commander dies, the spirit will say what she would like to be best remembered by. What words to place on her resting stone.” 

She hums and feels Lexa hum with her, tickling the back of her neck in recognition. 

_‘You know what I want’._

‘I do?’ She answers in her mind. 

 _‘I want you to draw me.’_ She draws in a breath, surprised and a little in awe. _‘You were the last person to have their hands on my skin when I was breathing. The last person who’s lips I kissed. I want it to be you who captures me.’_

“Okay’. She says out loud and in a spill of breath, cheeks flushed. 

“Okay what?”, Indra replies and looks at her. 

“She wants to be drawn,” She says and there is a moment of silence. 

“How do you know that?” Bellamy questions and Titus holds up his hand, stepping forward and looking at her. 

“She speaks to you now?”, He asks and she nods, not knowing what else to do. “She speaks with you whilst you are in consciousness. Without meditation or dreaming to open up the communication?”. 

‘Why is this wrong?’ She asks instead to Lexa, searching her mind to pull her close. 

_'Not wrong. Surprising.’_

‘How surprising?’ 

_‘Practically unheard of’._

“Fantastic.” 

***

 

‘I am going insane.” 

_‘You’re really not’_

 ‘Er yea I am. I am talking to you and you are so clearly dead! Dead Lexa. I felt your blood on my hands. Kissed the last breath from your lips.’ 

She feels her sadness erupt within her, feels a partnering despair and longing that is so strong it can only be Lexa’s trapped in her chest. 

“Tell me of your history Titus. Has this happened before?” 

He shakes his head, arms behind his back as he paces. “In all our time, Heda’s have used channels of meditation or dreaming to call upon the voices of their guidance. It was never accessed in day to day matters and not because for the not wanted. Accessing the information on the Sacred symbol took concentration and patience. A new commander had to be taught to slow their mind, relax their brainwaves to a frequency that matched just right.” 

She worries her bottom teeth and feels Lexa sigh within her. “I feel her emotions. I feel her happiness and her anger. It is different from mine. I can taste it. But it’s still there pressed against my chest.”

The room is silent, her mother looks at her worryingly, Indra looks in awe. Titus just looks passive, closes his eyes like he is in pain. 

_'It is us Klark. It is because it is us’_

She ponders for a moment. ‘What do you mean?’

_‘Our connection in life translates to our connection even in my death’._

She feels the space of her chest fill to the brim, full as before and she knows it’s Lexa’s affection. Full bodied. Intense. Well developed. She places her hand there and breathes against it. Watches the room watch her as she closes her eyes. 

_‘I knew what your thoughts were in life. I could read your face as you entered a room. Knew when you were upset or happy. I knew you. As you did me.’_

She nodded, forehead creased. ‘Are you the only commander who’s Spirit is alive? Why are you with me constantly?’ 

‘ _I am not the only one. There are many Spirits within the Sacred symbol. But you call for me. Your mind calls for me in its sadness. And I in turn call for you. Our connection remains constant and therefore so does our bond’. We already match just right Klark.’_

She heaves out a breath and turns to Titus. “I will paint the picture of Heda as she requests. For now we will solidify the thirteen clan back into the Coalition.” She steps forward, all heavy armour and straight back. 

“Clarke—“, Bellamy begins but she shakes her head. 

“Its okay. I’m okay”. 

She lets Titus announce her to the room, stands back whilst Octavia and her mother stand behind her. Indra moves to her side, face drawn and she eyes her for a moment. “Say what you need to say Indra.” 

The darker woman, looks up, eyes wet and she takes a breath. “Can you tell the commander that she did well. She did well. I would have followed her to my death.” 

She feels Lexa’s sadness and pride heavy on her shoulders. Feels her tears. Barely a drop. But present. There. Feels it all pressed to her ribs and against her throat. Overwhelming and real. So she answers for her, a truth that she feels against the emotion wracking through her body. 

“She knows.” 

***

 

“ENOUGH!” she shouts, the room spiralling out of control, the clan leaders load and aggressive. The room quietens, but the displeasure is obvious. “You, Pike kom Skaikru. You are here to claim your stance. Do so.” 

He stands, ferocious and egotistical, chancellor pin proud on his chest. “We will not accept this Alliance. As we have said again. Nothing has changed _Wanheda.”_ He says her name with disrespect, disgust on his words and Titus is up in an instant, fury on his face. 

“You will address our commander with _respect_. Or be killed for your insolence.” 

She feels Lexa growl as well but rolls her eyes at both of their behaviours. Pike does not threaten her. He is just a scared little boy destroying lives in his wake. She needs to deal with him. 

“Your disregard for the alliance that will surely bring protection and peace for the people of Arkadia, has solidified my actions against you. You, in cold blood, convinced an army to kill three hundred of innocents who were stationed to protect your land from attack. You put your people in more danger than you protect. You act selfishly, trying to bring about a vengeance that has caused many people to suffer.” Her voice has gotten stronger and louder with each passing word. She feels the fury, the absolute hatred she has for this man and his foolish ways. For the foolishness of the people who followed him. Pain for how much Lexa had fought to stand by her. 

“For these crimes Chancellor Pike, you are to be imprisoned for as many years as the Leaders of the Coalition see fit. Blood must not have blood. But we will have justice.” There is a resounding roar from the room, but it is one of acceptance. One of approval. Her guards drag at his arms, forcing him forward and he is seething. 

“You will imprison the Leader of your own people?! For who? The Grounders?” 

“THE GROUNDERS ARE MY PEOPLE.” There is silence and she shakes against it, anger.. so much anger bursting from her. “I have their blood within my veins, their paint against my skin. I have their leaders within my head. Her fury within my heart.” She taps at her chest, feels it beating back against her. Feels her lavender coated tongue. In this moment she feels Lexa in her eyes, feels like the commander she was chosen to be. 

Feral and real. “ I am of both Sky and Ground now. They are all my people. And I will do anything to protect them. Even sink a blade into your neck.” It escapes with a hiss, but the roar echoes from around the room. Heda. Heda Heda Heda. She gestures with her hand and he is taken away. She cannot stand to look at his face any longer. 

She turns to Kane, eyes the brand still prevalent on his skin. “Do you accept this Alliance Kane Kom Skaikru?” He looks into her eyes, light blue against the dark drip of paint, her stance remains tall. Unfaltering. 

“Shah WanHeda”, he replies and a tension within her spine relaxes. 

“Then it is done.” She moves forward, holding out her hand and he grips her forearm in response. “Skaikru are now the thirteenth clan. Complete the ritual”. 

She steps back, nods to the rest of the leaders of the Coalition as they step forward, arms held out, bond and acceptance completed. She feels Lexa against the back of her neck, present. Happy. Proud. And she lets herself feel it. Just for a moment. May be just maybe they will have peace. 

***

 

‘You’re happy.’

_‘I am.’_

‘You’re smiling.’

_‘Now I can.’_

*** 

 

She wakes to a tickle against her collar bone, real and there, that she almost expects lips to be pressed upon her skin. But she looks down and there is nothing. She thinks she has dreamed it until she feels it again and she gasps. Mouth open with shock and slight arousal. 

“Lexa.” 

_‘shhhh. You speak out loud’._

‘Were you….did you…’ 

_‘Your dreams are very loud Klark. You dream of me.’_

The press moves to her wrist and she gasps again. “I can feel you.” 

There is a pause. _‘Are you sure’_

Sensation across her jaw line like fingers tracing the edge and she is overwhelmed, emotion brimming to he surface. ‘Yes. Yes yes yes.’ 

She feels Lexa tremble, longing so fierce erupting at the base of her spine and she is gasping with it. She wants to wrap her legs around her. Pull her close. Keep her lips at the junction of her neck and let herself escape into her vanilla scent. But she can’t. 

She can’t she can’t she can’t. 

_‘Beja Klark” (please Klark)_

She closes her eyes and she can see her. Catch glimpses of her face, catch the startling lightness of her eyes. She cries with the emotion that shatters across her, a combination of both hers and Lexa’s. They both tremble, too sunken into one another. She wants so much. Her heart is beating rapidly as she feels Lexa caress her skin. 

She _feels_ her. 

She wants to kiss her lips, wants to feel the press of it against her own. And Lexa knows. She knows because they are one and her hands splayed across her face are skating down the bridge of her nose. Her revealing against the jut of her cheekbones. 

She keeps her eyes closed. Its easier to feel. Easier to lose herself to it. To believe that she is there and in a form that she can touch. With skin that she can taste. ‘Lexa’ she says, thick and heavy in her throat, calling to her. Pulling her close. 

There is a nose that grazes hers and they are both still in so much wonder. In so much happiness that this exists. That they have this _._

 _‘Ai hod yu in’_ It is whispered before she feels the press of lips, real. Oh so real against her own. They taste just as she remembers. Feels just as she has dreamed. And she cries. Tears spilled over and over onto her cheeks and she knows its a combination of both of them.

Her heart beats, her chest filled with grief and love. Her tears on her face and her lips pressed onto someone she cannot see with her eyes open. Someone she cannot touch. Someone who is dead. And so she cries for them. 

They have this. They have this. 

*** 

 

Bellamy crowds around the room, anxious and tensed. Octavia is happy, her face relaxed, her arms unclenched.Abby touches the skin of her forehead, caresses her and presses kisses to her hairline. She clings on, goodbye on her tongue. But she knows she needs to speak first. Needs to tell her mother; the healer, the scientist of what is happening to her. 

“I can feel her Mum.” As she says it, she catches the trace of fingertips down her back, the dip of a chin against her shoulder. She sinks into it a little, feels arms splayed across her abdomen that no one else can see. “I can feel her touching me. I know what she feels. I feel her hands on my skin.” 

Her mother looks up, worry on her features. “What did they do to you? The ritual. What did they do?” 

“They embedded software into the base of my skull, just at the beginning of my neck,” she lifts her hair to show her, skin beginning to heal at the incision site. “It was round and blue with the Sacred Symbol engraved on it. And it had tendrils attached. It was somehow organic in nature.” She pulls back her wrist and showed her the barely visible lines. “This is where it attached to me when I was chosen. Its legs wrapped around my wrist and cut into my skin. Like it was using my flesh and blood as a life source.” 

Abby furrows her brow, thinking as she continues. “Titus said that it contains every bit of information from the Commanders before me. It records everything that I am. Every piece of my brain. Every complex cycle of my thought process. And when I die, all of me will be contained in this chip. So the spirit of another Heda will live on to guide.” 

Her mother nods in understanding, opens her mouth to answer. “This technology is beyond what we know. Jaha has been speaking of a similar chip. Says it the key to the city of light. This however, what you are talking about. These wires or receptors have access to your brain. To the way you move, the way you speak. They way you perceive. To what you can feel and hear. If Lexa; her brain frequencies and personality has been stored and maintained on this chip, then she is actively attached to all these parts of you. Your body would feel what she wants to do. Your ears would hear what she wants to speak.” 

She looks her in the eye. “Her essence, if that is what has been recorded and regulated whilst she was still alive. Her essence is now attached to you. A part of you. With you.” 

_‘I am with you Klark’._

“Is it real? Is any of it real?” 

Abby cups her cheek, looks sadly at her. “What is considered as real Clarke? Your truth is your own.” 

‘I want you to be real’ she says in her mind and feels Lexa comb her fingers through her hair in response. She feels longing against her chest and she doesn’t know who it belongs to. 

_“I want to be real too’._

***

 

‘What is your favourite colour?’

 

_‘Blue. It’s blue.”_

 

‘Blue? Like the colour of the ocean?’ 

 

_‘Perhaps. Sometimes I think blue, like the colour of the sky’_

 

She takes in a breath, feels Lexa wrap her hand in her own, fingers interlocked. ‘You can be incredibly charming when no one is watching.’ 

 

_‘No one is ever watching now.’_

 

She opens her eyes, see’s nothing and feels an instant of sadness. She closes her eyes again, see’s her smile as she looks at her, can almost feel the chocolate curls against her fingertips. ‘Kiss me’

 

She feels Lexa smile, wide and unabashed and leans forward until their lips are pressed together, pressure against her skin. She gasps when she feels a tongue peek forward, swipe at her bottom lip with purpose. _‘Can you feel me?’_

 

‘Yea”. She knew her voice would have cracked if she had spoken out loud. 

 

_‘You have no idea how long I have waited for you Klark”_

 

‘How long?’ 

 

There is a hum against the skin at the corner of her mouth and she feels fingers traced lightly at her hipbones. She rocks her hips up on instinct and feels Lexa hiss at the implication. _‘The ground has always been full of war. Full of fight and blood and pain. I used to look up at the sky. So clear. So blue. So beautiful.  So big and unfathomable. And wonder if anything could be as pure. As unscarred as a clear blue sky. If we could ever be as untouched’._

She shifts slightly, feels the press of Lexa on top of her and keeps her eyes closed so she can study her face. _‘And then you fell. Your people. So new and dangerous. But when I saw you. Your eyes were the colour of the untouched sky. You were passionate and pure and so so beautiful. You were the sky Klark. And I wanted all of you, everything that you are to be mine.’_

She gasps when she feels the nip of teeth at her neck, the crawl of fingers across her abdomen. Everything feels beautiful and light and she's being filled to the brim with Lexa’s love. She doesn’t need to ask to be kissed again this time. Her mouth is hot against her own, her teeth nipping and she can feel everything. She can feel everything. 

And its so beautiful that she shivers with it. 

*** 

“We’re returning home tomorrow. Octavia is staying to look after Indra for a while.” Bellamy stands in front of her and she rises from her throne, walking down to greet him. He looks at her in the eyes, hair unruly and cascading over his eyebrows. It makes something swoop in her lower belly and she feels anger against her chest. Anger and sadness. Lexa’s sadness. 

“You’ve got everything you need?” She asks him and he shakes his head, smiling at her softly. 

“Not exactly.” 

She closes her eyes briefly, feels him touch her hand and lace at her fingers. He is being blatant, something that they have never been together. She feels Lexa against her back, her fingers gripped into her hips, pulling her into the solid illusion of her body, muscles and softness and familiar. 

“You sure that this is what you want?” Bellamy asks and she presses her mouth closed, silent for a moment. “We can take you with us. Come with us Clarke.” 

He leans forward and rests his forehead against hers. She caves slowly, feels his fingers on her jaw and Lexa draws back from her, no longer palming at her skin. She is silent in her mind, eerily so although she can still her emotions ripe at her breastplate. She looks at him with open eyes, takes in his form. Takes in his reality. She feels his slow breath against her skin. Its so different. Something she used to know but utterly not what she is now familiar with. 

“Come with me Clarke. Please”. He whispers it, doesn’t give her a moment to answer before his lips is on hers, strong and demanding and she sinks into it for a second, lets it be. Her fingers are against his arms, the scratch of his stubble against her cheeks and she wants to open her eyes. To look at him. To see him standing before her. 

But then there is a burning sensation against her chest, crippling insecurity builds at her throat and the buzz she has become so accustomed to, the recognition at the skin of her neck lessens, like she is slowly going deaf. She breaks off the contact with Bellamy, pulls her lips from his with a gasp and she is pressing a palm against her chest, tears sliding down her cheeks. 

“Lexa”. She says it out loud, calling for her touch; for her voice. But she is only met with silence. She is filled to the brim with a bittersweet and suddenly she cannot breathe. 

There is no touch. Not caress of her fingers. No sharp wit spoken into her ear. She feels empty and alone and devastated. “LEXA”. She screams it, panic ebbing at the bottom of her ribcage and she is gasping with sudden loss. Too familiar. So familiar that she is aching in every part of her body. 

Bellamy crowds at her, trying to pull her close, trying to calm her. But his hands are too large, his smell too musky and all she wants is lavender and the press of Lexa’s lips against her neck. 

 _‘Hush Klark. Hush’_ Her voice spills into her ears, her front against her back and breathe spills into her. Relief courses through her body, sudden and overwhelming and she clenches her fist at the sudden need to clutch at her. To feel for her. 

Bellamy is still holding onto her, but she removes herself from his touch, runs her fingers through her hair and settles her trembling. She still has fear burning at her eyes as she turns her questions to Lexa. ‘You tried to leave.’

_‘Shah’_

‘Why?’ 

“Clarke,” He calls to her and she turns, facing him but her eyes wanting to be anything but open. “We leave in an hour. The choice is yours to make. Don’t let her influence it for you. We are still your people Clarke.” She closes her eyes then, see’s Lexa’s sad smile and all but feels Bellamy leave the room. She hisses through her teeth, nervous energy still clinging to her peripheries. 

‘Answer the question Heda’ 

Lexa hisses back, but she can taste the sadness on her tongue. _‘I was giving you a moment. I was letting you be.’_

‘You left. I couldn’t feel you. I couldn’t hear you. You were breaking the connection.’ 

 

_‘I stopped calling for you. I was letting you feel something without me.’_

She stops, paces and feels her anger strong. ‘You had no right to just chose for the both of us. Just like that. It was not what I wanted.’ 

‘ _Don’t you see Klark. He is your something_ real _. Someone you can be with with your eyes open. Someone who can fight and protect you. I am here in your shadows Klark. You deserve more.’_

She sucks in a breath.’You want me to chose him? Want me to follow him to Arkadia? And what will you do? Disappear? Leave?’ 

There is a pause. _‘I can never truly leave Klark. I feel your call. My spirit is alive within you. I will know of every move you make. Every thought that you have. I will guide you when you most need it. But I will leave you be. I will let you be_ happy _.’_

She closes her eyes and thinks about not having Lexa’s voice in her ear, not having her presence around her, her laughter echoed across her mind. And suddenly the ache is back so strong that she is breathless with it. “No.” 

_‘But—‘_

“I SAID NO.” 

They both bristle. Both vulnerable and hurt and scared and waiting for a fight. “You do not get to leave again. You are real to me.” 

_‘You will never have a proper life this way. Please see. I want you to be happy.’_

“I will never be happy without you Lexa! Not like this!”. It’s said out loud, agony in her voice as she continues. “He may be here. And solid and yes I can see him with my eyes open.” She is gasping, voice raw with emotion. “But I will keep my eyes closed for the rest of my life if it means I can have you with me.” 

She feels herself fill to the brim with that intoxicating feeling. It is bright against her lids and heavy on her chest. And by her gasp, she knows Lexa feels it too. She clings and clings and clings to this feeling, and she hears Lexa against the shell of her ear. Her lips pressed there. 

_‘Why?’_

She inhales deeply, lavender coating her senses. ‘Because I—‘

She pauses, feels a tear falls from Lexa and she trembles in her arms. _‘Say it.’_

She parts her lips, relief escaping from her chest as she lets the words go. “I love you.” 

There is lips against lips, a smile kissed to her and she wants to laugh at the feeling coursing through her veins. She kisses and kisses and kisses back. Until she can’t contain it. Until all she wants to do is place words for the feeling causing her heart to race, proclaim it. 

“I have loved you when you knelt in front of me and swore that you would never betray me again. I have loved you when I held a knife to your neck and all you saw was my pain..all you wanted was for me to forgive myself. I have loved you when I watched you fall asleep, when the worry in your face smoothed and you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. So beautiful that I had to capture it.” 

The words are spoken against lips and they are muffled in sound, but they feel it reverberated in the space between them. “I have loved you when you stood by my side and fought for me. I have loved you when you kissed me with disbelief and wonder. Like you couldn’t believe I was there. I couldn’t believe you were there either. I have loved you when I was lost in the woods and angry with the world and entirely selfish and ruthless.” 

She is breathless with it. Breathless and smiling and cheeks warm from the hands placed against them. “And now. I can’t be without you. I won’t. You are in the air that I breathe. I long for your touch. You make all the dark spaces within me feel like light. You are mine.” 

Lexa places her head against her forehead, and she closes keeps her eyes closed, feels the graze of her nose against her own and she feels love bursting from every piece of her skin. “You are mine Lexa.” 

_‘Shah. Shah ai niron shah.’ (yes my love)_

‘Ai hod yu in’

_‘Ai hod yu in’_

***

 

_‘You need to move quicker, your feet lighter. And stop favouring your right side’_

She grunts with exertion and rolls her eyes at the advice, curving her sword through the air with practiced skill. ‘Easy for you to say. You’ve had years of experience’. 

_‘I am also skilled niron. That doesn’t come with experience’_

She is teasing and she smiles with it, feels hands cupping her elbows and directing her arms. She closes her eyes, savours the touch and for a split second she is not in control of her body, her biceps contract, her stance changed, her attack fluid. “Woah”. 

_‘Woah indeed’._

‘Was that you?’ 

_‘Shah.’_

She repeats it, feels her essence slipping into her muscles and strikes made with precision and its almost beautiful and scary how good Lexa is at fighting. 

_‘Try and block me out’_

She is confused. ‘Why?’ 

_‘We need to know that you are still in control.That my essence is not taking over your body. This has never happened before.’_

‘It doesn’t feel like possession Lexa. It feels like, I have you in my entire self. It feels like you are flowing in my veins. I am choosing to let you control me’. She stops abruptly, holding her breath and tensing her muscles, focusing on eradicating the lavender and musk from her senses and she drops her sword, steps back and feels smug at her feat. 

‘See. Simple.’ 

 _‘Simple indeed’._ There is a pause. _‘This means I have many the opportunity to teach you Klark. First however is your war paint.’_

She bristles. ‘Whats wrong with it?’ 

She feels Lexa chuckle, feels fingers caressing her cheeks. _‘It is good for the unskilled. But you are Heda now. You have been clumsy niron.”_

She gapes, sound of indignation escaping her lips and grinds her teeth in defence. ‘Fine.’ 

_‘Good’_

‘You’re lucky that you’re so cute.’ 

She feels Lexa bristle. _‘I am a former Commander Klark. I am anything but cute. Cute is reserved for goufa’s and small animals.’_

She laughs loud and unrestrained, her face feels light with it as she feels Lexa grumble. ‘Oh babe, you are very very cute, trust me.’  

_‘Babe?’_

She stops dead, a flush tickling its way to her cheeks and she clears her throat, opening the door of Lexa’s room and feeling the curiosity against her back. 

_‘You have called me that in your sleep before. What does it mean?’_

‘Oh.’ she shuffles, lands face first in her furs and groans. She lets out a sigh when she feels fingers running down her spine. ‘It is a term of endearment. Its what our people on the ark used to call their partners. A pet name.’ She smiles when she feels lips at the back of her neck. ‘Do you like it?’ 

 _‘I like it very much’_  

She rolls over, keeps her eyes closed so she can see the girl leaning over her. She feels pressure against her abdomen as though someone is perched there. Feels her fingertips being kissed and she smiles with it. 

‘You are brave with your affection’ 

She feels Lexa nod against her. _‘When I was commander, I was watched by my people. Expected to lead by example. I could not shower my affection to anyone besides behind closed door.’_

She hums as she listens, lets her lavender invade her sense. _‘I wanted to feel you everywhere. Wanted to hold your hand when you were close enough to me. Wanted to rest my head against your collar bones and hold your hips to me. I wanted to be around you. And now that I am constantly around you I can be brave. I can do whatever I want’_

She says it with so much love and happiness that her heart swells with it. She feels her leaning down, imagines the locks of her hair that will cascade around them and the breath that will tickle her neck. Lexa presses her lips to the space below her ear and smiles with it. _‘And what I want is to touch you’_

There is a trickle of arousal that causes her abdomen to clench and she tenses her thighs, feels Lexa smirk with it and she flushes. ‘Then do it’ 

Lexa hisses, drags her fingers up her ribcage until she is stroking the skin just bellow her breast. Her pace slow and teasing and maddening. _‘Are you sure ai niron’_

She bucks her hips, traps her bottom lip between her teeth. She doesn’t know if this will work. Doesn’t know how. But she is nodding her assent anyways and groaning at the way Lexa’s fingers stroke at her nipples. 

 _‘Take of your clothes. Beja Klark. Beja’_ Her voice is rough, strained. Wanting. 

And she complies, sitting up to remove her top and unbuttoning her pants and pulling until she is nothing more than bare skin against lavender scented furs. She feels Lexa groan, feels her lips wrapping around the straining tips of her breasts and she gasps with it. She feels everything and more. Feels heat and love and wonderment straining against her chest. 

Lexa’s lips move down her body, trail burning as her teeth nip and suck and leave her writhing for more. When her lips wrap around her swollen sex, tongue parting her skilfully, she groans out loud, name said through gritted teeth. 

 _‘Beautiful’._ Lexa replies and continues her ministrations, tongue flicking at the underside of her clit until she is _shivering_ with it. She feels a finger enter her slowly. Then another. Feels a bite against her thigh as she arches her back in response. 

Its overwhelming. She feels arousal clouding her senses, feels both herself and Lexa losing themselves in each other. Every twitch of her fingers sends her hips jolting in response. Every curve of her tongue as her whining, something feral and urgent building in the pit of her belly; at the base of her throat. 

All she can feel is them. All she can hear is them. And she breaks out a cry when that beautiful perfect mouth returns back to her mound and sucks and sucks and _sucks._ Tongue playing and spelling out words of love. 

And she is falling. Falling so hard that she holds a hand over her own mouth to muffle her scream. Falls so hard that her thighs are quivering and her hips twitching. Falls so hard that there is not a part of her left that is dry. 

She ends up in a languid pile, hair unruly across the furs, body melting into their lavender. She can still feel kisses across her abdomen. Feel it loving and soft and real. And so she opens her eyes. 

And there is nothing.

No gleaming caramel skin above her. No swollen lips and green eyes that stare into her soul. No smile so breathtaking that she wants to pull her by her jaw; make her crawl up her body until that beautiful mouth is against hers again. No heat of skin. 

No chance for her to touch, to hold. To place her lips in places she only dreams of now. 

And so she breaks. Tears skating down her cheeks and heartbreak beating against her chest. Lexa is in her ear in a second hushing any hushing but nothing eases the ache. 

_'Come back to me Klark. Come back’_

‘I can’t.’ 

_'Beja niron.’_

‘I just want to hold you. I just want to kiss your skin. I want to make love to _you._ I want—‘ She catches herself, bites her bottom lip and traps the tears down. But she knows she cannot hide anything from Lexa. She doesn’t want to. She just feels so alone. So so alone even though there are lips against her throat and fingers locked with hers. 

Her eyes are wide open. And its breaking her apart. 

_‘Do you want me to leave you be?’_

The words are spoken to her skin, so she can feel the movement of her lips. Can imagine what her breathe would have felt like, hot and leaving goosebumps in its wake. But she see’s nothing. She is alone and naked, fingers itching to comb through hair or to hold at skin. Itching for something tangible. 

‘Yes. For now, yes.’ 

***

 

The meat is heavy in her mouth, luxurious and hearty and she feels a hum against her chest. ‘Good?’ 

_‘Shah’_

‘What else would you like?’ 

There is a pause and she hears Lexa run through every taste in her mind. Clutching at her favourite ones and she swears she will eat everyone of them if it brings the other girl such joy. 

_‘Blackberries. From the tree next to the Polis boundary’._

“You. Akrov,” she calls to the warrior and he hurries to her side, head bent so her can listen for her command. “Bring me a basket of blackberries from Polis Boundary”. 

“Shah WanHeda. Anything else?” 

She thinks for a moment. “And some drawing materials from town.” He nods his head and disappears and she closes her eyes. 

‘I never said sorry.’

_‘For what Klark.’_

‘For pushing you away. For making you leave.’ She sighs heavily and runs her hands through her golden locks. ‘You are here to me. Real to me. And I am going to draw every part of you that I can see. That I can remember. I’m sorry Lex. I got scared. I opened my eyes too soon.’ 

“Heda”, Titus walks in and she opens her eyes, nods to him as he makes his way toward her. She is a little breathless, Lexa is filling her with love and happiness and light and its making her dizzy. There is so much of it, so unconfined. It catches her off guard sometimes at how much this girl can feel. Used to feel. So many emotions and so _so_ strong. 

How much pain she must have been in to sacrifice them. To force them to rest. 

“We have news from the thirteenth clan. There are people there who still follow the traitor Pike. Who want his leadership instead and reject the Coalition”. 

_‘You have the most beautiful cream of skin I have ever had the pleasure or privilege of touching. I never told you. That first night. That first night I was so overcome with it. Over whelmed and in awe of your beauty Klark. I shook with it.’_

She inhales sharply, feels Lexa caressing down the skin of her neck and she is flushes, emotion swirling in her chest; full and spectacular that she parts her lips and clenches her fingers. “Shhh.” She speaks out loud by accident, and its a beg. A beg to stop teasing and pulling and making her heart race. 

But Titus hears it all the same and his lips downturn with the knowledge. “Lexa is here.” 

She looks at him with a cool gaze. “She is wherever I am.” 

“You must learn to control your dependence on the Commander Spirit Klark. It will only serve as a disruption to you.” 

She growls, angry, “You do not get to tell me how much time I get with spend with Lexa. You do not get to tell me anything about her! You lost your right. You are my teacher yes Titus. But you do not command me.” She breathes deeply, feels Lexa steady against her ribs and sighs with it. “She calms my heart. Steadies my voice. Teaches me how to fight. Teaches me how to become Heda. I will not give her up. You have no place to ask me to.” 

He nods, head facing the floor and she holds up her hand, gesturing in a way she had seen Lexa do countless times. He turns to leave and she holts him. “Get a horse ready for me for tomorrow morning. I will visit Arkadia to clean up this mess. We will leave then”. 

“As you wish WanHeda”. 

 

***

 

_“Klark.”_

She whimpers, head foggy, eyes closed and bearings off. She feels woozy, her limbs slightly numb and body in a fog as she tries to answer the call, follow the voice. But she can’t reach it, its too far. She is too far and she doesn’t know how to move any closer. 

_“I’m here niron. Look at me. Look for me.”_

She tries to open her mouth, clenches her fist and slowly opens her eyes, lets her body fall into the fog that seems to surround her. She blinks; once, twice. And there she is. 

Lexa. Green eyes and bronze skin and parted lips leaning over her as she soothes her into awareness. She gasps, eyes open and wide and almost jolts until she see’s her hands cupping her face and holding her close. 

 _“_ Hush _. Relax”._

“Lexa? How..”, she is trembling and Lexa guides her thumb across her cheek, calming her racing heart. 

“You are in sleep state Klark. Dreaming. I focussed on matching our brainwaves, getting this to work just right.” 

She is crying, tears slipping down her face. “I can see you.” 

“Shah Niron,” she replies, grabs her hand and brings it up to her face. “Even better. You can _touch_ me.” She moves to have her cup her cheek. 

There is smooth skin against her palm, warmth radiating up her hand and she could burst from the amount of happiness surging through her. Instead she breathes out a slow breath, moving her fingertips to trace down her lovers face, caress against her supple lips. She can feel. She can hold. She can _touch_. 

And suddenly she is feral with it. She sinks her hand into Lexa’s hair; thick chestnut locks that are soft against her wrists, and pulls her down to meet her mouth. She is impatient and longing all the same. Wanting to go slow and savour and wanting to devour her at the same time. 

Lexa groans against her mouth. Real real real. Scrapes her fingers along her sides and suddenly she cannot stand to be on her back anymore. Wants to be above this caramel skinned girl, wants to touch and taste and mould her hands to her body. She wraps her legs around her waist and flips them, until Lexa lands on her back, hair displayed; shock on her face. 

“You taught me that one babe,” she teases, nipping at her jaw and Lexa laughs, chuckle dripping with arousal as she slowly grinds her hips down onto hers. 

“Well I am now sincerely glad that you learn so fast.” 

She smiles down at her, taking in everything she can see, her flushed face. Her parted lips. Her eyes so full of love that she feels the ache in her own heart. She leans down, forehead against her and Lexa stills, hands holding her hips until they are pressed flushed together. 

She is running her fingers down her neck, savouring this moment and Lexa smiles at her, wide and beautiful. “Will you kiss me Klark?” 

She can feel her warm breath on her face. Can see the movement of her lips. Watch the tilt at the corner of her mouth as she gives her that private smile and she is so in love. She is so in love that she almost salivates with the need. “Shah ai niron.” 

She attaches their lips together, kissing her for the first time since her death. Since she swallowed Lexa’s last breath and felt her heart shatter into pieces. She trembles with this moment, trembles with how lucky she is. To be surrounded by her voice, her touch, her lavender every day. She feels a tear escape her eye and she continues to kiss, soft press of lips that she feels them both sink into. 

Until Lexa inhales sharply through her nose and she is bitting at the ripe flesh of her bottom lips, scrapping her tongue to soothe the sting and the other girl whimpers. _Whimpers._

And she is gone. She is wanting, ferocious. Her fingers are against her clothes and she is ripping through seams trying to access skin and Lexa is keening at every swipe of her fingers. She is breathless and shivering and is overwhelmed by how much tangible this beautiful girl has surrounded her with. 

She wants to worship every part of her skin. “I want to taste you,” she says and Lexa gasps, nodding in answer but she shakes her head. “Not like this. Not like this. I want to be surrounded by you. I want you to be the only thing I can touch, the only thing I can feel.” 

She rolls them again, flipping her hips until her back is flat against the surface of her furs and her fingers are clutching naked thighs. She grabs at them, sinking fingers in and pulling up until Lexa is moving her body forward, confused. She keeps going, eyes taking in every glorious curve as she finally gets her settled over her mouth. 

She looks up, abdomen clenching at the molten black of her lovers eyes. “Like this Lex. I want you like this.” 

She groans, loud and unabashed, hands going to sink into blonde curls. “Then have me Klark. Have me.” 

She pulls her down, wetness on her chin and in her mouth. And Lexa is _dripping_. So soft and responsive and everything. She digs her fingers into her thighs as the caramel girl tightens her hold on her hair, overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through her body. She is crying out at every swipe of her tongue, every suckle of her lips. 

She starts to guide her, encourages with sweet noises of her mouth, guides her hips with circular motions of her hands as Lexa begins to learn. Begins to ride against her tongue and seeking pleasure. 

She doesn’t dare close her eyes. Not for a moment. She drinks in everything as she drinks in her. Stunning and breathless. And when she lets go. Her head thrown back, her back arched like a perfected dance, she is overcome with want; with need. To see it again. To make it happen again. 

So she is relentless. Not stopping. Never stopping until her beautiful girl begs and begs and begs. “Beja. Beja Klark. Niron. No more” 

She detaches her mouth, runs her tongue along her lips to catch any essence she may have missed and keeps her eyes trained on her. 

Lexa sighs, trembling still wracking at her thighs. She traces her way up them, drawing out muscles and hip bones. Lexa looks down at her and speaks, smile on her lips. “Ai hod yu in”. 

And this is how she wakes, slowly but strong, the image of her lover with chestnut locks draping down her shoulders and a tilt to her lips, love pure and open pouring from her eyes. She clings and clings until she can no longer, awareness and sunlight pulling her out of her slumber. 

When she opens her eyes she can see nothing. There is nothing. But her chest is filled, her mouth coated in lavender, and she is so happy she is sure her cheeks are pink with it. 

 

***

 

‘Thank you’, she calls to her when she has a moment alone, when she traces her mind and collects all of her memories. ‘Thank you for what you did for me.’ 

 _‘I think Klark, it should be I thanking you.’_ She says, her voice sultry, but she can feel the flush eliminating off of Lexa’s cheeks. 

She smirks. 

***

 

‘Stop’

_‘Stop what?’_

‘Stop—‘ She feels fingers running up her hides and barely hides her squeal. ‘Stop tickling me!’ 

_‘I’m not hodness. I am merely holding you’_

‘Oh yea. You coincidentally happen to be _holding_ me in a places that you know I am sensitive’

There is a smirk on Lexa’s lips as she presses a kiss to the muscle of her neck. _‘There are other places I could hold you Klark, if testing your_ sensitivity _was the goal’_

She huffs out a breath, rolls her eyes at the flush she feels rushing to her cheeks. She focuses forward, ignoring the other girl in favour of holding onto the reins. And so she is caught off guard. Caught off guard when the lips that were kissing her neck, starts to blow. 

Ticklish sensations erupt against her skin and she stills. Until Lexa does it again, hard, stronger— effectively blowing a raspberry just below her hairline at the back of her neck. She cannot hide her reaction even if she tired. 

“Oh my GOD”, she says it loud and feels Lexa burst out in a laugh; full bodied and joyful. 

Her warriors stop abruptly, ready for attack and she is barely catching her breath. She raises a hand, “Oh its nothing….I thought I saw something. Must have been a bird. Or something. Yea.” 

Lexa is laughing against her again and against her better judgement she wants to smile. Smile and savour her laughter and her happiness. Bottle it up so it is hers to keep. Instead she narrows her eyes, bucks her horse forward until the rest follow her. She bites her lip and feels fingers against her ribs. 

‘You are going to pay for that’. She feels Lexa grin, head tucked into the crook of her neck and she smirks. ‘Just wait until I am dreaming’. 

***

 

“Its good to see you again Clarke”, Chancellor Kane grips at her forearm and she smiles, nodding in return. “I hope your journey was safe”. 

“It was eventful”, she replies, feels an answering squeeze of her hips. She wants to roll her eyes but instead feels a grin tickling at the corner of her mouth. This girl. Her girl. 

“The council wait for you. We should begin as soon as possible”. 

She nods, sobering up fast as she soaks in being back. Back here. With people who barely trust one another let alone her. She feels awareness prick at the back of her neck and Lexa bristles in her chest. She holds up her hand. “Akrov. You will join.” He nods, moves forward until he is by her side, towering over both her and Kane. She smiles softly. He is a gentle soul, kind. But uses his genetics to his advantage. 

They are lead to the conference room, Lexa against her chest and solider to her side. She is dressed in charcoal and war paint. Feels whispers as she walks. She feels as grounder as they probably see her as. But not a betrayer. 

She sees her mother first and happiness swells in her chest. 

“You’re here”, the older woman says and stands, arms wrapping around her shoulders and she sinks into them. She has missed her. Will always miss her. 

The rest of the group comprise of familiar faces, Bellamy. Raven. Octavia, who had returned weeks prior. She looks at them all and they eye her from toe to cheeks, taking in her stance. Her clothing. She sits in response, tilting her head at them until they all sit too. They are all familiar yet unfamiliar; so accustomed she has become to her life in Polis. “So. My advisor has told me that you have people who threaten the Coalition”. 

“Yes”, Kane answers, tapping his hands on the table. “There are not many. But a select few who still follow Pike’s distrust for grounder and grounder culture. I am afraid that locking him up has only solidified their hatred.” 

She nods, biting her cheek as she replies. “Have there been threats?”

“Many”, her mother replies and she hisses, feels Lexa grimace. 

“They have access to weapons?” 

“Not anymore”. It is Bellamy who replies and she turns her eyes on him, narrowed gaze as she realises that he was part of this group. The people who followed Pike and his incredulous and disastrous view of their world. 

“But they did?” She replies, fingers clenched and he nods, looking away. “We have no idea if they have any stored with them. If they plan on using it. If they are armed, they are dangerous. And I cannot have anyone disturbing the fragile peace we have managed to attain”.

 _‘Sentence them to banishment?’_ Lexa says, words filtered in her ears. 

“No. That will only escalate the distrust. We don’t know how weak the connections are within Arkadia.” She says this out loud, mind working toward an answer. The rest of the table watch her, half confused, half worried. 

“Who is she talking to?”, Raven whispers but she holds out her hand, silencing the room as she worries her lip. Focuses on lavender. 

_‘Imprisonment….detainment’._

“Yes but where?” 

_‘Not here’_

“I agree.” 

She closes her eyes for a moment, see’s her eyes looking back at her and feels a kiss to her cheek. _‘You know what must be done hodness. You don’t need me to tell you’._

She clicks her tongue in response. “Kane,” she opens her eyes and turns to the older man. “How many people did you say there were?” 

“Five in total. I don’t know how many follow them, but they seem to be the main leaders”. 

She nods, sucks at the front of her teeth before answering. “Get them ready tonight. And be ready for transport tomorrow. I will detain them in Polis.” 

“What?” Bellamy says, disapproval on his face. “You can’t do that Clarke.” 

“Why not?” She replies, eyes flashing. 

“They will be dead within days. Those grounders will murder them.” 

She feels Akron tense behind her, feels rage waft into the space between them and fury erupt at the base of her ribcage. She brings a hand to it, trying to ease the burn and holds another up, halting whatever thoughts her soldier may have had in his head. “You don’t trust my leadership Bellamy?” Her voice is cold as steel. She stands and feels Akron crowd behind her. She halts him again. She doesn’t need a fight. Doesn’t need to be protected either. “This is the best option. Staying prisoner in Arkadia will only allow the doubt the grow. The tyranny to spread. You know this Chancellor Kane. Taking them to Polis, they will be detained for a period of time. They will learn about the grounder culture. Begin to see them as people. Maybe they can begin to understand that peace is achievable. That they are people just like us and they deserve our trust and loyalty.” 

She huffs a breath, speaking quickly to her solider in Trigedslang and watching him leave the room. “Does the council agree with my course of action?” She turns to the rest of them, head gestured in question and Kane nods, standing. 

“They will be ready for departure by tomorrow.” 

“Good”, she says. “Make sure there are no weapons on their person. Allow them to take three pieces of personal belongings. We have all they need in Polis.” 

“Are you staying?”, her mother asks, hope on her face. She softens and nods. 

“For tonight yes”. 

_‘You should visit more often Klark. She misses you.’_

“Shah,” she replies and closes her eyes for a moment before exiting the tent. There is silence, the table looking around at each other, until Raven cannot stand it any longer.  

“Okay seriously. Who is she talking to?!”

 

*** 

 _‘What is that?!’_ Lexa asks, delighted and overwhelmed. She grins as she takes another bite. 

‘Its cake babe.’ 

_‘Cake?’_

‘Yes. Made from churned butter, tree sap, wheat flour and eggs. Its the eggs that makes it spongey like this.’ 

 _‘Its delicious.’_ She deliberates for a moment. _‘You have lived quite a different life to I, Klark.”_

‘Yes. And yet here we are. Sharing the same body’. 

Lexa clicks her tongue. _‘The body is yours Niron. I just settle here comfortably.’_

She laughs out loud, sponge on her tongue and love in her heart. And this is how Raven and Octavia find her, grinning at a slice of cake like she is the happiest she has ever been. 

“Glad to be back Griffin?” the engineer asks, lowering herself down as she eases out her leg. “You’re giving that cake all kinds of flirt eye. Ones I have only seen you reserve for Bellamy.” 

“Flirt eye?!”, she says. _‘Bellamy!’_ Lexa echoes and she feels that unknown emotion build in her chest. She squints, and then grins. 

‘You’re jealous.’ 

Lexa bristles. ‘I don’t know what that means.’ 

“Ergh Raven. Do you have to speak about my brother that way.” Octavia drawls and the black haired girl shrugs, tapping her fingers along her brace. 

“So when were you going to tell us about this whole ‘Lexa in your head’ thing” she says, turning to Clarke who stuffs another piece of cake into her mouth. “Smooth WanHeda.” 

“I knew,” Octaviah shrugs and Raven rolls her eyes. 

“And you’re just the most talkative of us all. I think Lincoln has spoken more words than you. And thats saying something. Guy could pass of as a statue- easy.” 

_‘Klark. What is a statue?’_

“Its really not news,” she replies, swallowing her food and dusting at her mouth. “When I was chosen as the new Commander they imbedded some type of software into the back of my skull. It wraps around my Basal Ganglia and essentially becomes engrained with my cranial nerves. Lexa’s brainwaves are recorded and inserted into this chip, so essentially I have her in my brain.” 

Raven is silent for a moment. Octavia takes the opportunity. “Can you block her out?” 

She furrows her brows, “Sure. We have tried and if I focus I can detach from her centre of the chip. But why would I want to?” 

“She is with you all the time?” Raven asks, incredulous. She shrugs in response. “Is she here now?” She asks, her eyes wide. 

“Sure.” she supplies and the other girl splutters. 

“Hi Commander. Errr Lexa.” she waves pathetically. 

She feels Lexa’s essence erupt through her fingers, allows her access and watches her hand lift in a one handed gesture of hello. The other two girls watch; Octavia with her eyes narrowed, Raven with her mouth gaping. 

“What the hell was that Clarke?!?” 

She smiles, taking in there expressions. “Sometimes if I allow it and concentrate hard enough, I can let her control my limbs. She can taste what I taste. Feel what I feel.” 

“You’re essentially letting her control you. You are becoming a host” Octavia replies and she rolls her eyes. 

“It not like that Octavia. I—“ she gathers her thoughts, tries to word this correctly. “She and I are separate. I know who I am. Can feel my body without her. But her personality, her brainwaves are essentially attached to me. To my brain. I can call to her when I need, match my brain waves with hers until we are having conversations. She has access to my dreams. She has access to me as I have access to her and we are able to communicate in this way.” 

“I hope for your sake this isn’t bad Clarke.” Raven replies. 

“Its not”, she shakes her head. “She can never be bad.” 

 

*** 

She wakes with a jolt, senses running wild and Lexa in her ear. She is not dreaming. Its dark within her room, machines whirring and the smell of burning wood in the air. She is in Arkadia. She listens closely, looking for the source of her disturbed slumber when suddenly a hand comes to cover her mouth, muffling her scream as a knife pierces her abdomen. She reacts on instinct, kicking out and tripping her assailant, twisting her body until she is on top of him, his own knife is being held to his neck. 

She can feel the blood from her wound soaking into her clothes, feels herself going weak with it. Lexa is anger. So much anger that her essence flows within her and she is bringing down the knife, imbedding it in the space just below his sternum. 

She feels herself slipping. He got her good. Maybe nicked an organ. She tastes metal on her tongue. 

_‘Klark. Klark move! Wake up. Get to your mother Klark. Please!’_

She feels her hands pressing against her wound, holding pressure and knows that it is not her doing it. Lexa. 

“Lex—“ she is weak, blood pooling around her fingers. 

_‘Shhh niron shh. It’s okay. Just move okay. Go to your mother hodness. She will heal you.’_

She nods, stumbles forward and exists her room, cutting a pathway toward the infirmary. Her eye sight is going hazy, her limbs weak and lips numb. She stumbles again and finds herself breathless with it. 

_‘Keep going. Beja Klark. Keep going’_

She feels uncontrolled, feels Lexa’s essence in her body and she is moving forward not of her own accord, moving step by step and she slowly loses consciousness. She is in the infirmary as her legs give out and she feels Lexa in her chest. 

Fear. So much fear that it cripples her. 

“Abbeh!”, she hears herself call out though she doesn’t recognise summoning the words. 

Her mother turns, sees her blood stained clothes, skin pale as a sheet. “Clarke!?!” She rushes forward, hands flying immediately to the wound. 

“Abbeh. Please. Please.” She says again, voice weak. She coughs, feels blood dribble down her chin. The older woman looks at her for a moment. 

“Lexa?” 

“Save her please! Beja! I can’t—“ 

And then there was darkness. 

*** 

 

“Wake up Klark. Shhhh. Stay with me.” 

She feels herself slowly opening her eyes. Feels her limbs light, head heavy. “What happened?” 

“The attack. You’re lost a lot of blood Niron.” Lexa looks at her, stroking her fingers through her hair. She blinks up at her, and hums against her touch. 

“Have I died?” 

“No.” The bronze girl shakes her head. “This is not death. But I cannot tell what has happened. I know as much as you”. 

She lifts her fingers, clenches them experimentally. She feels normal. Alive. But her world is foggy, unfocused. Dream like. “I am in a coma.” 

“A what?” 

She thinks about it for a moment. “It is almost like sleep for an extended period. You can be placed in one or when your body is trying to heal it can place itself in one.” 

“So…a perpetual dream state?”

“Maybe. It depends if I ever wake up.” 

Lexa hushes her, “You will wake up. You will.” She leans forward and catches her lips with her own, brunette girl tracing at its curve until she is sinking into it. She breaks them apart. “You just need to rest niron.” 

She nods, dazed. “Maybe you’re right.” 

“I am. We just have to wait”. She tucks her head into the crook of her neck and hums softly as they both bury themselves in their furs. “I just have a question Klark.” 

“What?” she replies, eyes closed and content. 

“What is a statue?”

 

***

“Where did you get this one?” she traces her finger against the curve of her hip and the raised skin there. The caramel skinned girl hums. 

“It was when I was only a nightblood. The others and I devised a friendly competition between us. I was too slow, got a knife against my skin for it.” 

She splutters, digging at Lexa’s hipbones and pulling her close. “You grounders obviously need to relearn the word ‘friendly’”. 

 

*** 

 

“Sit still hodness” 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She shivers, Lexa’s fingers at the base of her neck. “You know exactly what you are doing.” 

“Me?” she smirks, fingers weaving. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” 

She scoffs, biting at her lips for the last excruciating minutes until Lexa leans forward, chin on her head. “Done.” 

She turns to face her lover, expectation on her face. “How do I look?” 

She watches Lexa lean forward again, runs her hands over her hair. Over the braids upon braids that she had woven in. Her eyes are dark as she caresses, lips parted. 

“You look breathtaking Klark.” She moves forward, sits in her lap; curls her fingers at the base of her braids and nuzzles her face into her neck. “You _are_ breathtaking”. 

 

***

“Do you think we would have survived? If you hadn’t—“ she stops, biting her lips. 

“If I hadn’t died?”, Lexa replies, eyes dark with sadness; regret. 

“Yes”. 

Lexa stops, looks down at her and runs a hand through her blonde hair. “There are many things that would have stopped us. Your people. Mine. My own fear at losing you.” She sucks in a breath but maintains eye contact, green and deep. “But I think we would have found a way at beating the odds. I loved you enough to try.” 

She smiles, “I wanted to. Try. I wanted you.” She lifts her arms, pulling Lexa’s face toward her. “I wanted you so much.” 

“Shah Niron.” The brunette meets her lips, works her mouth over hers until they are both shaking with is. “And now you have me.” 

She smiles, licking her lips and letting her head sink back down into bronze thighs. “Now we have each other.” 

***

 

“Stars are beautiful”, Lexa breathes out, face pressed against glass and hair cascading over her shoulders. She really wants to point out that the brunette girl herself is more spectacular than the view. Especially like this. In awe, eyes bright, lips parted. The stars reflected on her skin. She has an itching want to paint her. Paint this moment. 

“They can be yes. Although looking at them everyday for eighteen years, I can accurately say that the novelty wears off.” 

“I cannot.” Lexa replies, gaze still fixated. “They are so bright. Everywhere and all consuming”. 

“Maybe.” She replies, resting her chin on the other girls shoulder. “You know what else can be all consuming?” 

“What?” 

She smirks against her shoulder. “Me.” 

She feels Lexa groan in response. “Oh I have no doubt Klark.” 

She takes a deep breath, inhaling the familiar lavender and musk. Oak wood and grass. Feels her mouth salivate with it. “Where else would you like to go?” 

They are on the Ark. Or at least her memories of it. Lexa seems overwhelmed by everything, gaping, with questions free flowing like breath. She answers them all, walking her from place to place until they are finally in her prison cell. Her last bed before she was thrown abruptly down to Earth. 

Her paintings still litter the floors, the walls. Detailed charcoal of trees and oceans that she remembers spending sleepless nights creating. 

“You created these?”

She looks around and nods. “Yeah.” 

Lexa crouches, fingers outstretched as she traces along pieces of her art. “They’re beautiful Klark.” 

She crouches down with her, sitting on the ground as she watches the brunette study her art. “I used to dream about the Earth. Maybe just as much as you have dreamed about the sky.” 

Lexa looks are her, love in her eyes and kiss on her lips. “In a way we have dreamed about each other. You are the Sky Klark.” 

“And you ruled the Earth.” She lays on her back, blonde hair with streaks of charcoal and pulls the girl down to her. Lexa moves, resting her head on her shoulder and sighing with content. 

“This cannot last forever.” 

She stiffens, sadness in her chest. 

“You need to find a way back. You need to open your eyes” 

“But right here like this, I have you. I can see you, I can touch you.” She counters, arms trembling. 

“Look around you Klark. We are in your prison.” Lexa gestures to the four walls. “Keeping them closed will only keep you stuck here.” 

She sighs, turns her head bury her nose in chestnut locks. 

“You know I’m right Niron. You are ready. People need you”. 

“I know.” She places her lips at the base of Lexa’s throat, leaves soft kisses there. “You’ll be here.” 

She arches her neck into the touch and smiles. “I’ll be where you are.” 

She nods, already feels herself slipping out of her dream, feels the fog clearing and tingling return to her eyes. “I love you.” 

“I know. Now wake.” 

*** 

 

It’s blurry when she opens her eyes, her lips parched and throat dry. She hears familiar noises of medical care; beeping of her hair, the monotonous thrum of intravenous fluids, the flick of pages and clicks of canisters. She lefts out a cough and suddenly a face hovers over her own, worried and tired looking. “Raven”, she rasps, disuse clearly taking its toll. “Let a girl breath.” 

“And she’s back folks” the Latina laughs, arms wrapping around her shoulders in a squeeze. She hisses from the ache and immediately the girl retracts her touch. “Welcome back Griffin.” 

“How long have I been out?” 

“About four days. You were hurt pretty bad.” The girl looks over her shoulder. “Abby! Clarke is up!”. 

There is a rustle in the background and her mother is by her side, smoothing her hair over ad looking into her eyes. “You’re awake.” She says it with disbelief and she smiles at her mother, nodding and gesturing at the bed. 

“Can I sit up.” 

“Slowly. You were stabbed in the abdomen.” Raven assists as they gently lift the head of the bed. “You were out for a while. Lost a lot of blood. Its good that you got to me when you did.” 

She blinks, slowly smiles at the memory of Lexa and her control. “Yes it was”. 

Abby eyes her slowly. “Do you remember much of what happened?” 

She deliberates. “I was attacked. And he either nicked an artery or an organ because there was too much blood and I was weak within moments. And then I got about halfway here and she—“ She stops. 

“It was her Clarke.” 

“She took over my body, forced me to keep walking. And she called for you” 

Her mother nods. “She saved your life.” 

Bellamy bursts through the doors, followed by Kane. His eyes are wild, fear in them as he takes in her appearance. “You’re awake. I just heard”. He sounds slightly out of breath. Like he had run here and she suddenly feels an moment of missing. Of longing. She misses her friend, her partner in crime. 

“Yes.” 

There is silence for a moment as they stare each other down. Kane interrupts with a clearing of his throat. “I’m glad you’re up Clarke. Polis has been contacting everyday to hear of your status. We have not yet spread the news to the other leaders of the Coalition of your attack.”

She nods. Its for the best. Knowing that it was once again an individual of Arkadia that threatened and harmed one of their own would surely break whatever ideal of peace they had managed to create. “And my attacker. What happened to him?” 

“He is alive. He is being kept a prisoner.” 

She feels a burning in the centre of her chest, rage so strong that her heart races with it. Feels it all the way to her teeth. She hisses, hears the monitor start to alarm and beep at her escalation. Her mother moves closer but she shakes her head. “It’s Lexa.” 

She holds a hand to her sternum, looking down at her splayed fingers. “Hush niron.” She speaks out loud, lets her words echo and she feels the buzz against her ear. Heavy. Angry. 

 _‘He should be dead. For trying to end your life. He should be_ dead _’._

She feels another surge and she hears herself react, beeping increasing until she breathes. “Lexa”, she breaths out, dragging her name and calming the burn. “Hush. Its okay. I’m alive.” She hears herself start to slow and she smiles a little. “I’m alive.” 

_‘Shah. Ai hod yu in.”_

She bites her cheek, feeling the burn leave completely and beeping return to normal. She lets out a breath and looks up, catching everyones eyes on her and watching her display. She feels heat at the back of her neck and a flush of embarrassment reach her cheeks. 

“That was weird” Raven breaks the silence and she grins in her direction, relief flooding through her features and a semblance of control returning to her tongue. She turns to Kane. 

“Contact Titus. Let him know that I will return as soon as possible and I will be bringing five prisoners with me. He knows what needs to be done.” 

He nods and leaves the room, and her eyes catch Bellamy as he steps forward. “So all that stuff… about Lexa being in your head. That all true?” 

She tilts her head at him and nods. “Yeah. Its true.” 

He is silent for a moment, biting on his bottom lip in thought. “Can you tell her thank you. For saving your life. That I am grateful” 

She feels slight warmth in her chest and she smiles, emotion stuck to her throat. She holds out her hand, grabbing onto his sturdy wrist and looks up at him. “She knows Bel. She knows.” 

***

 

She wakes up to lavender, its in her nose, she can taste it in the air and she knows that its Lexa. ‘You couldn’t let me nap?’ 

_‘You weren't letting me in your dreams. I got bored’_

She feels fingers against her collar bone and she hums. ‘In other words; you missed me.’ 

There is a pause and a slight grumble. _‘Shah. I missed you’_

She stretches out her body, easing herself awake and slowly opens her eyes. Only to be face to face with the brunette girl herself. ‘Lex?’ 

_‘Shah’_

‘Am I dreaming?’ 

The girl furrows her brow. ‘ _No niron. I just woke you…but maybe you need more sleep.’_

Her lips are unmoving but her thoughts filter into her mind. Her gaze comes up levels with hers and she feels herself make eye contact. Feels her eyes trace hers. Lexa’s eyebrows raise. _‘Can you see me?’_

“Yes.” She says it out loud, overwhelmed. 

_‘How?’_

“I don’t know”. She has tears in her eyes, she feels wide awake. Eyes wipe open and the girl she is in love with staring down at her. “We must have discovered a new connection whilst I was in my coma. One that allows me to project you.” 

Lexa opens her mouth, hesitant for a moment. _“Can you hear me?”._ She says it out loud and she smiles widely, grinning and grinning and hoping that this isn’t a dream. 

The other girl lifts up her hands, holding them in the air and they both feel the nervous thud in her chest. Both of their emotions, longing and want are curled up in her ribcage and she feels nauseous with it. Lexa looks at her, _“Will you touch me?”_ She feels hesitant and scared. So sure that this is too good to be true. _“Beja Klark. Please try”_  

She nods, holding her breath as she slowly lifts her right hand. There is an inch between their fingers and she surges forward, rips off the bandaid until her fingers are interlaced with hers. Skin on skin. Solid touch. She gasps and hears Lexa gasp back. “I can touch you.” 

She is shocked and happy and overwhelmed. She had begun to accept the blind caresses, the not being able to reciprocate. The not being to hold her hand or kiss her lips unless asleep. Unless her  eyes were closed. She has to be dreaming. This can’t be real. 

“Mum!”, she calls out, loud and fast, breathless. She hears Abby rush by but doesn’t lift her eyes from Lexa. 

“What! What is it?!” She asks, hands on her forehead, on her cheeks. She feels her mothers touch. Lets a tear fall. “Its real.”

She see’s Lexa smile in return, eyes glistening and she grins. 

“Clarke. Honey? Are you okay? Are you in any pain?!” 

She shakes her head, looking at her mother and then eyes landing back on the girl in her lap. “No. No no no. I’m happy.” She is laughing and crying and still clutching to Lexa’s fingers. “I’m so happy”.

And she means it. 

 

***

 

One day Clark will die. Maybe by a sword, maybe an assassin. Maybe by a stray bullet; who knows? 

 

But her life will be recorded. Her essence saved and brainwaves captured. Her mind will be stored on a chip for the new chosen commander. She will guide and give advice. Teach her or him how to continue their beautiful world of peace. 

 

And on her off days she will have another. Another person. Another consciousness that resides in her heart, on her mind and most importantly, right in the exact same software. And they will live. 

 

They will live and live and live until they are no longer needed. 

 

And they will love and love and love, until they no longer exist. 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Visit me at tangledin-prose on tumblr to complain about stray bullets and heart break. Also my love for ADC knows no bounds.


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